If you ever remained unsatisfied with a result of conversation or any actions, feel guilty or irritated, then you should definitely study what this is assertiveness.
Extremes of Communication
Communication between two people almost always implies the presence of two unpleasant extremes: the victim and the aggressor. Thus, a parasitic interaction is established that is not effective and against which various books on assertive behaviour were written. You can find them at any bookstore or internet.
- A victim is a weak side, not willing to make decisions and shifting responsibility to the interlocutor. It is guided by the principle: everyone should help weak people and relate himself to this category. Also, the victim is inclined to accuse the surrounding people of own failures and constantly complain.
- An aggressor is the opposite of the victim and manipulates people in a veiled or open way. His principle: I am always right, and the rest people should do as I say. The aggressor considers himself strong, and therefore confidently suppresses interlocutors.
Assertive communication is aimed at the exclusion of such situations. It is noteworthy that, if there is one of the representatives of the victim-aggressor pair in the dialogue, the second interlocutor involuntarily assumes the opposite role. If you want to get rid of such wrong and useless communication, then study the questions of assertiveness in detail and suggest this article to friends so that they also could do self-improving.
What is assertiveness?
Assertiveness is the ability to defend one’s own interests without hurting other’s interests. Perhaps from the point of view of rapid success, this behaviour is not sufficiently successful, but in the long run, the results are simply staggering. Unlike the aggressive one, the assertive person is the one who achieves the necessary with the expectation of further cooperation and mutual assistance.
Some general principles of assertive behaviour:
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- It is impossible to behave assertively and manipulate a person at the same time, as this will quickly reveal itself. The interlocutor will immediately notice the difference between words and deeds, and therefore there will be no sense of such communication.
- It is difficult to implement the assertive behaviour in everyday life because you will have to closely monitor the level of relations. You do not have to become an aggressor and to note timely that the interlocutor tries on the role of the victim and decides to rely on you for everything. Such cooperation will not be effective.
- Assertive behaviour – this is an adequate perception of the interlocutor and maintaining the level of conversation on the principle of equality. You should not agree with any suggestions of a colleague or always defend your own point of view up to the last moment, even if it is incorrect.
It’s easy enough to become a victim or an aggressor, but it’s hard to remain an assertive person. However, it is these people that cause respect for others and achieve success, location, useful connections and a lot more. Only assertive behaviour as a lifestyle will be an effective tool for achieving your goals, therefore it must become part of the character, personality.
Rules of assertive behaviour
In all books and trainings, there are at least 10 and more rules of assertive behaviour. But it is enough for you to get acquainted with at least the basic principles of such communication in order to gradually understand the essence of this manner of interaction with people.
Ability to listen to the interlocutor
Perception of other people’s emotions and their understanding, that is, empathy, is the key skill of assertive behaviour. Learn to listen to the interlocutor without interrupting him and not knocking him off his thoughts. If there is a need to insert some kind of your opinion into a monologue, then find a way to do this without causing irritation.
Effective conversation
The main principles of contact with a person are directness, honesty and openness. However, do not change them in your own way. You should be able to tell a person some unpleasant things or criticisms in such a way that it sounds constructive, does not hurt his feelings and does not contribute to the interruption of trusting relationships. To do this is much more difficult than expressing discontent in person directly.
Respect and self-esteem
You should always see the line between flattery and self-confidence. It is necessary to find a balance, so as not to fall into the role of a victim or aggressor. A fine line passes between two extremes but is an effective path to success.
Compromise
The search for a solution that equally satisfies both participants of the conversation is the main rule of assertiveness. No one should receive more, as this contradicts the very essence of assertive behaviour. Moreover, this principle is important not only in business Negotiations but also in everyday life.
Positive attitude
You should not pre-adjust yourself to competition and conflicts, although usually, a person is already thinking about possible setbacks and disputes before important conversations. A positive attitude will allow not only to relax but also to receive the appreciation of others.
Acceptance of responsibility
You must be responsible for your own misconduct and admit mistakes. If you shift responsibility to others, then you seem infantile and you are no longer taken seriously. Refusal of consequences of own deeds is a childish trait, it is necessary to get rid of it.
Assertive behaviour is only available to adults and adequate people. It shows how willing you are to contact people and make yourself delightful to everybody. Gradually, your acquaintances, friends and even casual interlocutors will begin to take the example of such a conversation. If you want to become a professional and fully master the skill, then read books on assertiveness, but do not forget to treat them critically. BrainApps takes care so that you could become successful and fully developed, so read other blog articles and improve yourself.
